Newsletter 2025-2-16
Topics Covered:
Real world violence vs our idea of it
The problem with ignoring violence prevention
The extra benefits that come with practicing violence prevention
Easy awareness drill you can do anywhere
February 16, 2025
Not the Movies. Not the UFC.
When you hear the word "self-defense," what do you picture?
A karate tutorial? A cage fighting match? A police officer teaching teenage girls how to knee someone in the groin?
Now imagine actually trying to use any of those blocks, punches, or knees in real life. I mean really imagine it.
You might intuitively realize that something's missing. Like this probably wouldn't work out the way it's supposed to.
That's because real world violence is not the same as combat sports, police tactics, or traditional martial arts.
And while most of these well-meaning instructors are making a sincere effort to help people, they are not accounting for the context around violence.
Here are some examples of what I mean:
🔲 The vast majority of sexual assaults are committed by a partner or acquaintance. That's much different than kicking a stranger and running away.
🔲 Under threat, your nervous system immediately goes into hyper-arousal, which seriously affects your decision making and coordination. This doesn't happen while calmly practicing techniques.
🔲 The psychology of a violent assailant matters in your efforts to identify danger in another human being.
🔲 A boxing match or MMA fight involves willing participation, athletic preparation, and a fixed environment. Violence does not.
Do you see how training to actually defend yourself has almost nothing to do with training like a fighter?
That's because self-defense isn't about winning a fight; it's about going home safely.
And when you start to look at it that way, you realize that true violence prevention begins with everyday habits that help you avoid confrontation in the first place.
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The Car Analogy 🚗
You know I love analogies, so think of it this way:
Imagine you're teaching a teenager the in's and out's of driving and owning a car. You talk to them a lot about what to do if they run out of gas on the highway.
You even teach them a bunch of ways to deal with that situation. Who to call, how to flag a ride to the gas station to fill the hand-held emergency tank.
But you never bother teaching them to regularly put gas in their car to begin with.
Do you see how silly that is? Now think of violence prevention the same way.
The physical part is like running out of gas -- we want to do everything we can do avoid it.
The skills of predicting, identifying, and avoiding violence are like putting gas in our car. This is the stuff that's realistically going to help us.
How Confrontation Finds You
I could write about how a violent encounter might look for someone who can fight vs someone who can't.
But I don't need to. We all understand that fighting skills are helpful if it ever comes to that.
What I will do is shine light on some of the missed opportunities that come from having no pre-violence skills.
In other words -- for those who end up assaulted or involved in a fight -- what went wrong?
Lack of situational awareness (usually phone-related distractions)
Denial; unwillingness to trust intuition and accept potential danger (e.g. "I'm just being stupid")
Dysfunctional relationship dynamics
Unsure of the other's intentions and/or what to do about them
Not wanting to violate social norms and/or hurt someone's feelings
Lack of experience de-escalating emotional confrontations
Now I want to be very clear about something.
In no way am I blaming a victim for being assaulted. The responsibility is always on the assailant.
But blame gets us nowhere. It solves no problems.
If you could choose between these two scenarios, which would you choose?
Get assaulted, but everyone acknowledges that it's the assailant's fault
Don't get assaulted
Number 2, obviously. If you do get assaulted, is it your fault because you don't know self-protection skills? Of course not.
But while we can't ever guarantee complete safety, violence prevention skills are simply opportunities we can take to increase our chances.
What Self-Protection Looks Like
By now you're clear that avoiding violence before it happens is much more realistic and potent way to learn to protect yourself.
So what does that look like? Here are some examples:
Removing yourself from the environment when you sense or observe danger
Recognizing social manipulation tactics from potential predators
Calmly and confidently drawing boundaries that shield you from said manipulation tactics
Being able to take the emotion out of a heated conversation
Recognizing people, places, and situations that you want to avoid
Discreetly confirming whether or not someone is a potential threat
Cultivating a "quiet knowing" that you have tools to increase your chances of safety, that seamlessly integrate into your everyday life.
Is this not much easier to imagine than pulling off a wrist lock or an eye gouge?
While physical training has its place, the above are some of the skills that almost every single person can learn and seamlessly integrate into their lives.
That means you 😊.
Beyond Safety: The Benefits of Self-Protection
If all I cared about were personal safety, I'd be a full-time self-defense instructor.
But integrating these skills means so much more to me than violence prevention. Here are two other ways this can majorly improve your life.
#1 -- Confidence
You probably don't need Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs to understand that we're not going very far without food, water, shelter, and basic health.
But I also believe this hierarchy applies to how we feel about ourselves.
In other words, the more resilience we create at the physiological level, the more self-confidence and self-assuredness we have available to ourselves.
That's one reason I coach people how to grow as a person via physical mastery -- namely movement and breathing.
Now if we look at the second layer of the pyramid, safety, the same thing applies.
Yes, Maslow, we need secure external circumstances to fulfill this need. But we also need to feel internal security in our ability to protect the foundational layer of the pyramid, our physical selves.
And if you don't feel like that's a "need," you can be at least be certain it would be a welcome upgrade to your overall confidence and self-image -- no matter who you are.
#2 -- Awareness, Presence, and Intuition
We are outsourcing our intuition, my friend.
Constant stimulation and connection to technology is leading to lower and lower levels of interoception.
An over-intellectualized society has your brain working overtime and your body hardly called upon to contribute its wisdom.
We don't trust ourselves. And it's not good.
Those who are savvy to this might already use breathing, body awareness, and meditation to help restore balance. And these are great practices.
But here's a secret: Committing to situational awareness is a meditation practice in and of itself.
Makes sense when you think about it.
Meditation is awareness. Awareness is meditation.
So intentionally taking yourself out of your mind to become intensely aware of your senses?
That's not just helping you identify potential danger. It's good for your health and your sanity.
So I'm going to share with you the easiest awareness exercise of all time.
Try It Yourself
There are few people in the self-protection space that I respect more than Rich Dimitri. And the following awareness drill comes directly from him.
Give It a Name Game
1 -- While out in public, tune intensely into your senses, one at a time.
2 -- Focus in on your sense of hearing, and become accustomed to the baseline volume level of your environment.
3 -- Whenever you hear a sound that doesn't fit your baseline environment (e.g. A car honking; Someone yelling), acknowledge it by pointing in its direction and naming it out loud.
4 -- Add awareness of your peripheral vision, acknowledging anything that is moving toward you by pointing at it and naming it.
Example:
You're taking an evening stroll in your neighborhood. There are no cars on the road, and the normal baseline sounds include a bit of wind and rustling trees. You then hear your neighbor unlocking their car, getting in, and closing the door. You point to your neighbor's driveway and say out loud, "Car unlocking" or "Car door closing." You then see headlights coming up over the hill in the distance. You point straight ahead and say out load, "Car" or "Car driving towards me."
**HERE is a video of Rich Dimitri explaining this exercise and more, as well as the self-protection context around it.
Yes, you're going to feel silly at first.
But the more you learn about self-protection, the more you realize that getting over yourself is a huge piece of it.
BTW: That's another great benefit to self-protection training. You start to learn a little more social freedom, and unlearn some self-conscious tendencies.
So there ya have it.
✔️Becoming savvy to your own safety doesn't have to take extra time.
✔️It doesn't require you to be a fighter.
✔️And it aligns surprisingly well with best practices for stress management and internal awareness.
Want to learn more?
My introductory lesson to self-protection is available for FREE to members of The North Star Body online platform.
As of this email, I'm still accepting founding members at no subscription charge, so now's the time to join the club.
And this mini-masterclass isn't the only thing you get for free as a member. Get ready for access to:
💎Free course on stress management
💎Free ground stability exercise library
💎Free group call with me 1x monthly (first one is on Thursday)
💎Exclusive discounts on advanced programs and 1:1 coaching
...and more is being added each month 🙌.
Have a beautiful day,
Griffin
